Hi, it's me. Gar. Remember last night when you did a reading in Salt Lake City? You did a little Q & A at the end and i was the guy in the fifth row who asked the first question of the night,
"Could you speak to your literary feud with Michael Ian Black?"
At first i though you were in on the fun because you said you didn't even know who Michael Ian Black was. Ha! But then, as your full answer unfolded it became clear that you weren't joking. You said your publicist had made you aware of it, but that you weren't inclined to investigate. At all. I mean, are you plagued with literary feuds so often that you can't be bothered to even find out who your tormentors are?
To find out, all you would have to do is, say, ask your sister Amy if she had supplied any quotes for a book jacket lately. She would say, "Yes, I said a little something about Michael Ian Black's new book, 'My Custom Van ... And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face'... And speaking of Michael, aren't you in a literary feud with him?"
And then, hopefully, she would go on to explain that the reason he picked you for feuding was because your book ranked 1 better than his. You see, he was #3 on Amazon's Humorous Books list and you were #2.
You would also find out how funny that was to do and you and Amy would just laugh and laugh and laugh. Then you would discover that your lack of acknowledgment of his attempt at feudery, led to him challenge the #1 (Tucker Max) on Amazon's Humorous Books list to a fist fight (as literary feuds clearly weren't panning out in terms of publicity). And to Mr. Black's misfortune, Tucker Max wouldn't take challenges quite so lightly. Not only was Tucker Max prepared to fight Michael Ian Black, but his entire legion of violently overcompensatory fans were more than happy to oblige.
In summation, all i am trying to say is, when someone challenges you to a literary feud, and your calendar doesn't read 1893, and the challenger isn't named Oscar Wilde, it is probably in jest and it probably will be a GREAT opportunity for gleeful abandon for all.
If you don't react appropriately to these situations, not only will you physically endanger an innocent author attempting to carve out his niche in the crazy world of publishing, but you will horribly embarass an anxiety-ridden blogger in front of nearly 3,000 people when his question goes unanswered in a satisfying and humorous way.
-gar
p.s. i loved your show. i was really tired, but you are funny and i like you. do you like me?
□ Yes □ No □ Maybe □ Fucking leave me alone, you creep!
Recent Comments