Wolf 2: Sexy Time USA

by gar

once, there was like, this werewolf, ok?  but like, it didn't really get it.  and by it i mean the fact that it was a werewolf.  for all it knew it was just your average, carbon-based, female human being.  with a great and i mean GREAT set of hooters.  and by hooters of course i mean breasts.  anywho, one day this werewolf stumbled into an apartment in manhattan.  i don't know which part of manhattan because i am not that cool, but let's just say it was a pretty nice place to stumble into.  once inside, this werewolf, to whom i will now refer to as "she", sat down and began to knit, as average, carbon-based, female human beings are wont to do.  some werewolves fight and kill, this one breaks, enters and knits.

moments later, a man who was gainfully employed by an outfit most refer to as the "Mob", waltzed in.  he wasn't actually waltzing but by whatever means he entered, it was acceptable, for this was his apartment.

not accustomed to visitors, let alone ones of the uninvited variety, he quickly drew his pistol and aimed it squarely into the eyeballs of the werewolf. 

"who the fuck are you?" said the mobster.

the werewolf's eyeballs failed to stray from the knitting at which they were so intently staring.

"oh, honey, you are too -BANG!!!!"  now the first of part of that sentence was said by the wolfstress.  the second part however was said by a gun.  the mobster's gun.  then the bullet said to the wolf's face "PLING!".  it doesn't usually say that to people's faces, but this face was of course a werewolf's and the bullet of course was not silver so it just sort of ricocheted off.

although non-silver bullets do not kill werewolves, they still sting like a motherfucker.  as a result of being shot in the face the werewolf dropped her knitting, and stood up.  she howled madly into the air and became filled with bestial fury.  in a matter befitting said fury she crossed her paws across the blouse part of her lovely pantsuit and tore it off.  this exposed the aforemention wolf teets of remarkable esteem.  the blouse was followed by the pants and whatever else is included in a pantsuit.  seconds later, she was naked, angry and on all fours snarling madly at the mobster.

the mobster who was too terrified to sexualize this beast before him started to tremble.  this trembling turned into a squeezing and he fired the gun again at the werewolf.  this second bullet embedded itself into her shoulder (apparently the physics of non-silver bullets hitting werewolves wasn't fully understood at the time of this story's writing).  she screamed as she tackled the mobster to the floor.

this is where it gets really weird because instead of rending him limb from limb she started making out with the mobster, and he was kind of into it and all of a sudden it was like really hot and the proverbial push came to the proverbial shove and they were totally doing it (sex) right there on the apartment floor.

***

anyways, in the morning they awoke and the mobster looked at her and she was now an average looking, carbon-based, female human being.  you see, werewolves are only werewolves on full moons.  anyways, they fell in love and everything was awesome except once a month he has to deal with this totally insane beast but he's ok with it and they work through it together, compromising when needed but occasionally standing their ground until they can both see eye-to-eye again.  and it's not like he's some fucking angel either.  i mean he fucking kills people for a living.  they just do the best they can, two stereotypes living in a stupid fantasy world.

and this my friends, is what robert palmer was talking about when he wrote "addicted to love".

epilogue:

as with my other story, i got this plot* from that sweet website jrn linked.  i didn't mean to, but i guess i wrote a really stupid allegory for menstruation.  also, the story seems to reward violence towards women.  fuck, i just wanted to write a crappy story and it turned into this sick fucking porno and i couldn't stop it.  anyways, whatever... the end.

*An oblivious werewolf and a mobster become roommates.

Comments

[iamthediva]

You have a fabulous writing style, i see why you're on Five Star Friday! Thanks for the laughs.

[lou]

Bart: Do you even have a job anymore?

Homer: I think it's pretty obvious that I don't!

[braniac]

Keep up the great work.
effin sweet.

[Josh Molyoak]

Wow. That is amazing. This is publishable.